Wednesday, December 12, 2007:Random Post

Lets start with my boring life... Today i overslept as usual and didnt turn up for school. Eve woke me up at like 8.30 and teck hua called me after 5mins she did. We dicussed about it, even if we go to school it would be around 9.30 and only 30mins left for the lesson so why bother go? Pretty much a waste of time.. Eve has been upset recently and i was thinking how is she gonna solve her problem? Eve is pretty much a "special" girl.. We got this "natural communication" where she doesnt have to explain much but i get what she means. So most of the time when she has something in her mind she would talk to me about it... Pretty annoying if you have explain while telling someone your problem! Hopefully she will get over it and everything back to normal. I did her a favour too earlier on by passing her brother some stuff... Now lets move on to something more interesting and emo-ism. Around 2pm i met up with derrick and 2 of his JC friends. Wei lun(tall guy) and xin yi(cute girl) for badminton. We paired up thrice and played. Wierdly, we sucked so badly that the score was 20-3 when wei lun paired up with me. Trashed right in the face. Now derrick added me into conversatino with wei lun and xin yi inside but wei lun and derrick elft.. end up i chat with xin yi alone.. wth zzz! Anyway i sprang my ankle while playing badminton too long never excercise already! Xinyi said maybe we will play badminton next time.. MAYBE! To the emo part, my dad is pretty sick. He has germs in his body and would be a fatal attack if the germs attacks the heart.. He refuse to seek doctor in hospital even thought he was advsed to... What shooed me off is that he bought a PSP for my younger sister recently.. I think its a pretty waste of money because she screwed up her studies and i predict she would spoil the PSP pretty soon.. Probably in a week or two.. I should stop here or its will be a long boring entry!

DoIceVita; 4:53 AM



Tuesday, December 4, 2007:Great Disturbance

Seriously it is almost 1.00am now and i cant sleep. I knew what are the causes and finally decided to write about it, your wish(to get me to blog) came true pei wen! Well before i tried to sleep i showed dad the school fee $274 OUTSTANDING FEES, even if he doesnt say anything i knew it would be a "burden" to him. He doesnt really earn alot and my mom doesnt really care about paying bill or fees. She keeps all money to herself, one reason why i hate her. Well, i tried to make it "lighter" for him telling him its not in a hurry so he can take his time to fork the money out by friday. I knew i lied on the part "not in a hurry" but i just wanted to to make him feel better. I might be wrong but white lie doesnt harm or hurt i assume. I wouldnt have been so greatly disturbed if he didnt pass me $300 while i was in bed. I knew it was coming(him passing me the cash while i try to sleep) as i could hear the sound of cash counting from the notes "rubbing". Recently, i have been thinking of getting a part time job to lighten his load and it of course makes me feel better spending my own money and feeling more "useful". However, the prob is that the school timetable clashes with almost all jobs that were recommended to me. I REALLY REALLY want to but it doesnt seems to be happening any sooner. Furthermore, i have noticed im starting to lost track on my studies. Whenver i cant get it, i would usually ignore it. There is a reason i have been helding back to tell anyone whenever they say "you can ask if you dont understand". Honestly, i really wanted to tell Mr Tay(my secondary mathematics teacher) the reason but i held back simply because im very relactant to show one of my real emotion to anyone. I hate to be a burden.. yes i really really hate to... Everyone in math lesson seems to be getting what he was trying to teach but theres always a handful of student who doesnt. Most of the time, im in that minority group(who doesnt understand). I really wanted to approach him for help but i dont want to be a burden to anyone or him. I knew i would be really slow in mathetatics and it would take alot of effort to teach me my weakest subject. It would take alot of time. So it DID affects me emotionally whenever anyone says "seek help blah blah" or "dont be lazy, go study or learn". Its not that i dont want to but i just cant bring myself to do it... A Burden.. Basically ya, it is about the same with my outstanding school fees. I really want to help him but i cant.. Not because of i dont want to.. So all i did was to put on a smiley mask daily and face all those evil cruel wicked critisim and cold eyes... Have a sleep and get over it. I just really want to quit begin a burden and be of any help to him. He tried to give us the best and it makes me feel bad sometimes when i take them. If i dont take it, he would be the one feeling bad and even worse. So yea, this is probably the main reason disturbing my sleep tonight. I have been yearning to learn driving but im simply short of cash. Everyone keeps saying "Why dont you learn driving? Go for the theory test first, its cheap". Hey, its cheap for you but not for me. Unless you wanna sponsor me(i would be glad to accept it), if not quit asking that seriously. Gary was right, "blogs are fr sum1 to reveal wad had happened in her life, up to present, sumthing like a journal, to review back wad had happened. sumtin to be happy, and sad abt. sumtin for u to remove wad u've been stuffing up in ur heart. sumtin for u to make urself happy". So ya i feel better writing this down and who cares what the evil comments might come after. I have been through worse critisim so who gives a shyt about yours? Oh ya gary, i knew you would be reading this so why not write your own blog too? Haha.. We are about the same "emotionally". Anyway i should try to sleep now and not to reveal anything more till further events...

DoIceVita; 6:33 AM